Enough.

Contentment. This idea that everything is stagnate, as a child plays with sticks and grass in empty field. Or perhaps being invited to a long lost friend's home and hearing about how their lives have evolved while sipping tea. When one is content there should be this sense of rest. While adjusting back to Canada has been quite a challenge and often scary, it feels as if the places I once knew have a new reflection. What they used to look like to me, have a new, more clear lens. I feel I can breathe once again. As if I can see true beauty, clearly.

 This is my contentment. 

But a sense of discontentment has derived from this sense of calmness in everyday life. As friends around me are dealing with such heavy burdens, I feel like I should be holding one to. But when I try to think of a burden I should be holding, it's like I cannot hold on to it. Like an outside force is rejecting these weights onto my body. Why me? I have been praying for being content my whole life but why now? Now that I have this gift from God, I don't want it?

These are the thoughts that have been flooding my brain recently but another lens, if you will, has made it's way into my cranium. This perspective that what I receive I need to use for good. So, how will I use it? How will I use this gorgeous peace from God to help others?

Someone recently asked why I was back in Saskatchewan? This answer is not an easy one for me to answer as it is quite complex. But I told them in short form about my passions and goals for my city's community. They asked what I was doing to conquer my dreams. I simply said I was praying. This wasn't good enough for the man so he proceeded to say, "There has to be more."

Maybe there isn't more right now. 

Maybe right now I am called to pray for others, my city, and myself because maybe that is enough. Yes, I am quite a proactive human who loves to act on passions, ideas, and thoughts. But just maybe, this is enough, to just be content and pray.